RANT

BLOG POST - 10/23/15

(Whatnot prevented me from posting it on this date, however. Idk if I’ll ever post it. o3o [EDIT - I am biting the bullet and posting it, three days later. o3o])

Hello again.

As the title says, this will be a rant. So read or don't read (not that I think I have any readers, HA) at your discretion.

For starters, I am having issues with my friends. One of them said something earlier today while we were at Walmart, about a woman parking in handicapped parking - "She doesn't look like she needs it."

I talked to her about it afterward, about how there exist "invisible disabilities" and whatnot. I'm not sure if she truly understood. She said something about how she didn't know if the woman should be driving if she had a handicap, or something.

I personally have a handicap placard. It expires in 2017, and I have no intention of trying to get it renewed as of right now. (I sure hope I will no longer need it at that point [heck, I barely need it now]). HOWEVER, I DEFINITELY needed it when I first got it. (Alsoalsoalso, I use it in the senior apartment parking because [my logic, at least, says that] most college age students don't need handicap parking, and if I park there, that opens up another spot to someone else who DOESN'T have a placard and would appreciate a spot. There are two handicapped spots in the senior apartment parking lot, and usually the other spot is open, so yeah. BUT, H kind of made me feel bad about it. ALAS/NO HUZZAHS/ETC :x )

What REALLY bugs me about this is that I really like this girl/woman. She is (normally) a ray of sunshine in a dark world. Also, she is a Christian, and I don't believe that was very Christian of her. (Ik, ik, just because someone is Christian doesn't mean they will act Christ-like. GOODNESS KNOWS I know that and [unfortunately] show it in my own life far too often [see the post I am writing Dx]).

Second, I am having difficulties with one of my apartment mates. My mom always told me to stay in the room while something was on the stove. Earlier today, Z left the apartment (not just the room - the apartment) with something on the stove. I thought to myself, EEK/Egads/Etc and (I believe) I kind of stood nearby or something until she came back. Once she came back, I told her my thoughts on the subject, about how I would much prefer she stay with stuff while it's on the stove. She said something along the lines of, that's how I do it at home. I thought to myself, yes, but we don't want to burn the apartment down/set off the fire alarm/whatnot now. Dx I didn't say that, but I thought it.

I called my parents after all of this happened. My dad told me that he doesn't want me going to Germany during January because of the refugee/migrant whatnot going on. Apparently, an electrician from his work who worked on our house also, his son's girlfriend is from Germany and is coming to America to get out of the whatnot going on there. He talked about women being raped and other stuff like that. I asked what would happen if I got offered a Fulbright. He said that (it breaks his heart), but he would say no to it as of right now.

I'm like, I can't defer it for a year or anything. I believe it's either now or never (or reapply next year, one year post-college [MEEP]).

((WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO POST-GRAD?))

So I talked to him first. He is going to Tucson on Sunday or Monday for one or two weeks. I asked him if he was excited, and he responded in the affirmative, to finally "get back to civilization."

I'm sad to hear that Dad and Mom are so unhappy here. :c I feel like I'm holding them back because of school/health/whatnot. :C

(Ik that there are a whole slew of other things, like finances, jobs, etc, but still. No huzzahs.)

I talked to Mom afterward, and told her about Z (not H, just Z). She agreed with me. Idk if Z heard me or not, because she was in the kitchen while I was talking on the landline in my room with the door closed. I also told Mom about what Dad told me about the Jan term trip (which I can understand) then the Fulbright. I told Mom (in confidence) that if I receive a Fulbright offer, I may accept it regardless of his opinion, because IT'S MY LIFE, DANG IT. I CAN'T KEEP LIVING IN FEAR, DANG IT.

(Heck, this might not even come up - I won't know about if I receive the Fulbright until January or later, I think.)

STILL, NO HUZZAHS.

In other news, I'm kind of hesitant to post this. (Once again, not that I have any readers, but still.) I don't feel like I'm being a good Christian. But this is better than keeping it bottled up, right? It's anonymous, right (or anonymous enough)? It will help me get through my feelings, right?

Yes, I'm still having memory issues. Yes, I have come SO INCREDIBLY FAR, and yet, and yet, and yet, and yet.

So, it looks like I'm going to do a remote DIS with Mirko, Lidiya/Lydia (sp?), and the third person during Jan term. I'm going to double-check with the registrar to see how many credit hours one can take during Jan term without it being an overload, with the potentiality of taking Advanced Fiction Tutorial as well. If that would be too many hours, I will audit Advanced Fiction Tutorial instead.

(EDIT [Oct 26 - I feel left out because they [Z & H] went out with K and R for R's birthday and didn't invite me. I know they have no obligation to do that and stuff, but still. :c I need to find some more friends and/or strengthen current relationships. :c[x2])

/end rant (for now at least)

Dear Jesus,

Please help me. You know exactly what's going to happen in my life. Please give me trust, patience, all that jazz as I go through this time. Please grant me patience with my friends. Please help me find some sort of meaning through all of this.

I don't know what Your plan is, but I know it's good, yeah.

("Write Your Story," Francesca Battistelli)

In Your name, Lord,

Amen

Heck, I just read through the lyrics of that song, and I feel like it's talking to me so much right now. (Honestly, idk if I'll ever BUY it, because [honestly 2.0] I'm not a huge fan of the music itself [o3o], but I LOVE its message.)

And on that (more positive) note, I will bid you all (invisible readers) Auf Wiedersehen, Au Revoir, Tschüss, gift horse, for now.

/fin