June 18 - Job Whatnot D:

My alma mater is seeking a new web content manager.

At first, I'm thinking, YES! HUZZAH! MAYBE I CAN DO THAT!

But then, looking at the requirements, I'm thinking, oh wait, nope, nope, nope. (Alas. :c)

SIGH. D:

Dear Lord,

I know You know where all this is leading me. You have a perfect plan. Please, Lord, give me strength, wisdom, guidance in regard to... everything, really, haha. I know in my head that You've got it. I know You do. Please, Lord, nudge my heart as well.

In Your Name, Lord,

Amen

June 23 - Father Whatnot

I don't even know why I'm doing this. It makes me feel better, I guess.

(If a tree falls in a forest, but no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? [Yes, because it does o3o] If a blog entry is written but no one reads it, is it still valid? IDK ><)

I titled this entry father whatnot because reasons.

Reason 1) My father was overjoyed when I graduated. When I saw him afterward he was in tears. Huzzahs for that.

Reason 2) My father and I have had a strained relationship for who knows how long. (Really, my father, my mother, and I as a threesome/family have a strained relationship. o3o)

Reason 3) My father said something akin to NO WAY JOSE when I brought up Americorps.
But I'm a grown woman. I may still live with them, and they may want the best for me, but it's my life.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please be with me as I go do another round of Cytoxan tomorrow. Please help me rely on you and only You as I look at my future. Please enable me to follow You wherever You may lead me. Please take away my worries, Lord.

Amen <3 p="">

Alas(ka) :/ - June 18

Alas.

1) It appears all of my bookmarks from Chrome have disappeared. o.O / Dx / etc.

2) I'm going through my novel (again) and I can see how/why Professor M says that it's difficult to do fantasy. :/

Alas.

Bright side - I've graduated! Huzzah!

(But now what, though? D:)

Alas.

More Whatnot :)

Hi again, oh invisible reader (here's looking at you, B :) )

Let's see, it's been a long time since I last wrote, because schoolwork / senior stress / etc.

So, let's give a recap -

I am in the spring semester of my senior year at Converse College. I am double majoring in Creative and Professional Writing and German Studies. I am a survivor of a TBI. My vision is still impaired from a relapse that occurred early in the school year due to stress. The opthmalologist  / opthalmogist / opthalmogist  / opthalmologist / opthalmalogist / ophthalmologist (had to copy and paste from Wikipedia o3o) said he doesn't think it will get better. Alas. ><

In brighter news, I did my final presentation for Advanced Arts Management this AM. I stayed up late last night, but HEYHEYHEY I GOT IT DONE! HUZZAHS FOR THAT! :DDD (Now to just write the corresponding paper, lol.)

I don't have to turn in a final for German Film, because I exempted out of the final written, take home exam. Huzzahs for that as well. :) I am doing the group video project because it is required of everyone. However, however, I think it will be a good, jolly time. :)

As of right now, I am unsure about if I will have to do the final paper for my last honors course. I hope not, but if I do, I do. o3o I did really poorly on the first paper, but I think/know our group project went well, and I think I did better on my second paper. So, fingers crossed! (Also, I know that there is the possibility I could do FANTASTICALLY on this third and final paper, and it could bump up my grade even more, but, honestly, I'd rather not have the stress of that. o3o)

On that topic, I kind of regret choosing this as my last honors course (though, of the options, this one seemed like the best choice). I am going to make either a B or a C in the course, and, while those grades never hurt anyone, meh. :/
However, however, it has done at least one thing - it has made me think (which OMG that's what college is supposed to make you do, right?)
I've thought about my personal faith / beliefs, and now I feel like I have a more solid understanding about what I personally believe. I was able to respectfully state my opinion when I talked about abortion. (The question posited was, why are Christians seemingly divided on issues such as marijuana legalization and gay marriage, but not [for the most part] abortion? I raised my hand and offered that marijuana legalization and gay marriage only affect the willing participants, but abortion affects someone who doesn't have a say in the matter. {I probably said it better than that, but my alarm just went off, so I need to get off soon.} The room, which holds a variety of pro-life and pro-choice people, went silent, as if considering what I said. When someone did speak, they mentioned how they were pro-choice, but she didn't suggest that what I said was wrong. So, like, I know that we have differing opinions, but I was able to state my opinion without coming across as judgmental (I hope o3o).

In other news, I am presenting my BFA senior seminar on Thursday (which seems like the date for everything, ha). I will not be able to go to a fellow Germanist's senior seminar presentation in Philosophy because they are at the exact same time. (Alas once more.)

IN SUPER POSITIVE NEWS, I've full blown adulted today and in the near past. I got my Navy Federal credit card set up now (HUZZAHS FOR THAT) so now I don't have to use my debit card online. When I told my dad that I used my debit card online, he nearly had a heart attack. PROBLEM SOLVED.

Alsoalsoalso, I successfully gained access to my Americorps account. When I went to tentatively apply for a job, I put in my SSN and birthdate and whatnot, and the system told me I already had an account. INSTEAD OF GIVING UP THOUGH, I called the number, talked to a person [nopers, person, prones], and got it squared away. Apparently, I had been registered as having applied for or completed service somewhere in the Northeast during 2012. I said to the woman, no, no, no, that was NOT me. (Idk how that happened, but as of this exact moment, I don't plan on telling my parents about that o3o). LifeLock didn't send me an alert about it (though that may have been before I got LifeLock...), but nothing happened, so I'm not going to worry about it.
(I have yet to actually sit down and talk to both of my parents about it, though, and I'm not even sure I'm going to apply, so, BUT YEAH. HUZZAHS FOR BABY STEPS. xD)

(Also, I am looking at applying for a job at the Governor's School in Greenville. It's like an RD position for high school students. I'm not sure yet, though. *shrug*)

OMG 11 DAYS UNTIL GRADUATION. *gulp*

Dear Lord,
Thank you for this day. Thank you for all the blessings I have received. Thank You that this semester is almost done. Please be with me as I do my oral defense on Thursday. Please be with Sarah as she does hers. Please use me these last 11 days to be a shining light for You.

Please give me peace about the future, whether it's with Americorps, a German company, or whatever. Please give me peace, guidance, wisdom.

In Your Name, Lord,
Amen <3 p="">

March 15 - (Hashtag) Blessed

So today was an eye opener of sorts re: how blessed I (truly) am.

At dinner tonight, I was sitting with another group, not my normal group, and the topic got to how in debt are you going to be after college?

I thought to myself, I'm not going to be at all in debt; in fact, I have settled my account already. I didn't have to take out any loans, nothing. I funded my college education through scholarships (school and state), a college fund set up by my parents (huzzahs for them!), and $5k a year from my grandfather (well, technically my mother's side of the family's apartment house in Germany, but still HUZZAHS FOR HIM/THAT).

The others were dropping some HUMONGOUS numbers - $30k, $50k. I thought to myself, ALAS/EGADS/GIFT HORSE/ETC @.@.@.@.

So thank you, Converse, for offering the scholarships you do (Presidential, faculty, and the one for most promising rising senior). Thank you, South Carolina, for offering the Life Scholarship. Thank you, parents, for setting up my college fund from the beginning. Thank you, Grandpa Noel, for providing me with the $5k/year from the apartment house in Berlin (btw, thank you, Berlin, for being the amazing city you are [I'm going to come back one day, I promise!]).

But, most importantly of all, thank You Lord for everything You have blessed me with. You are the one who endowed me with this capacity for knowledge. You are the one who gave me such amazing parents (who, despite being humans with all of the frail/miscellaneous whatnots that go along with that, ARE PRETTY DARN AWESOME.)

I am sorry for the anger I had at You about my health whatnots (and still have flashes of sometimes). Thank You for forgiving me time and time again. Seriously. (But You know that.)

Amen <3 p="">
-

(Side note - I just now saw that it is March 15, and I'm like, hey, that's the ides of March, isn't it? Hmm. BEWARE @.@)

March 18 - Boost :)

Hey there.

Let's see, today's news...

I went to the psychologist on campus. Huzzah for that.

I did not go to Work Study, because I'm not scheduled for today.

I presented with my group yesterday. I think we did well. Huzzah for that.

I did not get accepted to a (paid) internship I applied for. I was turned down, kindly, but I was still turned down. (However, I wasn't sure I would have accepted it if I had received it. *shrug*)

I did NOT go to the gym. Instead, I walked around campus three times. First time around, I saw M (a freshman who attends the Bible group I am the president of) and M's parents. I am happy to say that I remembered her name. (She waved at me first, but due to eye whatnots, I wasn't quite able to see who it was, but I waved back nonetheless.)

The second time I ran into my apartment mate, Z, the one who I have had issues with in the past. Everything went fine, though. :)

The third time, I went rogue and went along the outside of campus. (I exited through the main entrance and walked on the sidewalk next to the road back to the senior apartment parking lot.) At first, as I was approaching the entrance, I considered crossing the street to walk in the neighborhood there, but decided against it, because no one would know I was there, and I haven't walked there alone before. I'm not 100% sure if that was me being a 'fraidy cat, or me being smart (psst - smart backwards is trams o3o). I think/know I made the right decision though.

Alsoalsoalso, as I was walking, a car honked at me as it passed from behind. I was securely on the pavement, out of traffic, so I know he/she wasn't honking at me to get out of the way. Alsoalsoalso, I was wearing exercise shorts, so my legs were showing. Alsoalsoalso, one time when R was here (my adopted big), we had a similar experience. She explained then that the person was honking at the pretty ladies. So, even though I do not condone such behavior, and I doubt he (because I'm assuming the driver was a male) would not have reacted that way had he seen my face, the front of my legs, etc, I... am still going to take it as a compliment.

Alsoalsoalsoalso, I'm happy I did that. That... is the first time in a long time I have exercised. So huzzahs for that. :)

TODO this weekend -
1) German response for "Metropolis"
2) German midterm
3) Revise my critical intro for BFA senior sem because I don't believe I will be including all of the pieces I wrote about in my first critical intro. o3o

And other whatnots.

Dear Lord,

Thank You for this day. Thank You for all the blessings I have received, that You have seen fit to give me. Thank You for the blessing that is exercise, for the endorphins I/we receive from it. Please help me continue to find time for that, haha.

Please help me finish this semester strong.

/huzzah

Amen <3 p="">

March 11 - Memory

I titled this blog post "Memory" because of many reasons.

I went to see "The Little Mermaid," put on by my old high school (through which this blog first came to be, ha). D invited me.

D graduated high school a year after me, but due to the medical whatnots, we are graduating college at the same time.

It was SO WEIRD.

A) Mr. T (lol xD) was not there. (He had been the drama person when I went.) Instead, Mrs. R was listed as the director. When I went there, she was just the middle school director/overseer person.

B) Most of the people I knew have already graduated from there. So, the only person on stage I recognized was the girl who played Ursula. She had been in Beauty and the Beast as a teacup, or something. She was acting like the next Nicole or somethin'. (And my GOODNESS BREASTS @.@ [Not that I was focusing on them, but I could not help but notice them, because, back when I knew her when she was a fifth grader, no breasts. o3o])

C) Several of the boys, er... MEN that I knew from school when they were middle schoolers have graduated as well, and have BEARDS. @.@

D) D invited me. We went in celebration of D's sister's birthday (20, I believe). So it was me, D, D's sister, and D's mother. We were in the college auditorium, near the back. Nearby was a young child who kept crying and whose mother kept shushing. I believe, at one point, D and/or D's mother said something to the effect of, I sure wish they would keep their child quiet. Honestly, it bugged me too, but it bugged me more that they actually said something.

(NO, YOU ARE NOT THE POLICEMAN/WOMAN OF THE WORLD, JENNIFER. STOP THAT. ><)

E) I... meant to give back the playbill, as requested, so they could pass it out again tomorrow, but, when I went to the bathroom während intermission, I placed it on the table in the bathroom. I remembered later, however, but once I went back after the play was over, it wasn't there. o3o (SORRY OAKBROOK.)

F) I meant to do my German film reflection tonight, but after the play and showering, I tried, but I am much, much too tired to work on that anymore tonight. Bah. ><

G) I have a group project due this Thursday. We are presenting that day. I also have a date with Brandy tomorrow to binge watch Star Wars. Huzzahs for that.

H) (Back to the negative). Watching this musical made me jealous. I was jealous of a bunch of high schoolers. No huzzahs. :c
(Not just the high schoolers, though. D let me know that B [a mutual friend from high school] is now engaged. I'm thinking to myself, wow, another one? And I haven't yet really dated [but whose fault is that Jennifer? {Silence, self, stop that ><} o3o]).

I) I... just wanted to say...

J) J IS THE FIRST LETTER OF MY NAME.

(Yup o3o)

Dear Lord,

Thank You for this day. Thank You for everything You have given me. Thank You so, so much.
Please Lord, give me peace about the future, about the past, about everything that has happened/will happen to me.

Please give me what I need to finish these assignments on time. Please bless the time I spend on homework so I spend it wisely, productively.

Please heal the hurt I hold in my heart. Please rid me of this envy, because it's not from You, Lord, I know that.

I know I've written it before on Facebook - I may not know the future, but I know the One who does, and that's good enough for me. Please, Lord, I believe it with my head, but please give me the whatever enough to believe it with my heart as well.

In Your Name, Lord,
Amen <3 p="">